Friday, March 12, 2010

Friday - Ode to Jens

Courtesy Ben Cooper on the Texas Tailwind Blog...enjoy!

1) Jens Voigt doesn't read books, he simply attacks until the books relent and tell him everything he wants to know.

2) Waldo cannot be found because Jens dropped him on a hill training ride...up K2.

3) Jens doesn't spin or mash pedals, he kicks them into submission.

4) Voigt puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

5) If you are a UCI ProTour rider and you Google "Jens Voigt", the only result you get back is, "it's not too late to take up kickball Fred."

6) Jens was a math prodigy in German elementary school, putting "Attack!" in every blank answer space on all his test. It would be the wrong answer for everyone else, but Jens is able to solve any problem by attacking.

7) Jens' testicles are bald because hair doesn't grow on a mixture ot titanium, brass, steel, and cold, hard granite.

8) Jack was nimble, Jack was quick and Jens drove him to quit racing bikes and become an ice dancing commentator on the Lifetime Channel.

9) If Jens Voigt was a country, his principle exports would be pain, agony, and suffering.

10) If Jens Voigt was a planet, he's be the World of Hurt.

11) Jens Voigt doesn't have a shadow because he dropped it repeatedly until it retired, climbing back into the Saxo Bank team car and claiming a stomach ailment.

12) Jens Voigt once challenged Lace to a "Who has more testicles" contest....Jens won with five.

13) When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jens Voigt jumps out and attacks.

14) Jens Voigt believes it's not butter.

15) Jens Voigt can eat just one.

16) The first time man split the atom was when the atom tried to hold Jens Voigt's wheel, but it cracked.

17) Jen Voigt doesn't complain about what suffering does to him. Suffering constantly complains about getting picked on by Jens Voigt.

18) Jens Voigt can start a fire by rubbing to mud puddles together.

19) Guns kill a couple dozen people every day. Jens Voigt kills 150.

20) Jens Voigt nullified the periodic table of the elemnts because he doesn't believe in any element, other than the element of suprise.

21) Jens's tears are so tough that they could cure cancer. Too bad Jens never cries.

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